These things are heavenly, crumbly, buttery NOMNESS. And my daughter made up the recipe! I love her!
Preheat oven to 350F
Ingredients:
1c Butter Flavored Crisco
1c sugar
1c brown sugar
2 eggs
2tsp vanilla extract
3c flour
1tsp baking soda
3/4 oatmeal
1/2cup peanut butter (we recommend plain/natural peanut butter, no sugar added such as Adam's or Laura Scudders)
Directions
Mix first three ingredients in a large bowl together to well blended and smooth. Add eggs and vanilla extract.
In a second bowl mix together flour, baking soda and oatmeal. Add to sugar mixture, and again blend well. Add peanut butter and incorporate.
Place on baking sheet about 3" apart, and be warned these really expand . . .
Bake 6-8 minutes or until golden brown around bottom edges. Let cool slightly then move to cooling rack. However, these should be tried when warm -- they're HEAVEN.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
What do YOU MEAN plum pudding contains no PLUMS?
Can I just take a moment here and say WHAT THE FUCK?
I have hit THAT age. The age where most of my stories start with "When I was a kid . . . "
So anyway, when I was a kid, my mom and I lived in a small house in Lancaster, California. We lived in a neighborhood that often had abandoned shopping carts parked into curbs. Old houses and dead lawns. A guy with no tongue who lived on the corner hoarding Franklin Mint Collectors Plates, roses body odor and cats. Two teenage girls lived across the street, with their single mom, and naturally those teenage girls were my babysitters. Tanya first, as she was the eldest, and she babysat me up until the guy (whose name was, naturally: Wayne) from the even deeper, scarier, parts of our little ghetto, with his blonde mullet, early 80's shieshter mustache, 4x4 Bronco, and lack of shirts with sleeves -- came and stole her away. Off Tanya went to a glamourless life of white trash, Pabst Blue Ribbon, tube tops and unicorns on velcro-purses, existence. And of course by "stole away" I mean <whispers>: "knockedherup".
Then Andy (the younger sister) took over and she was way more mean to me than Tanya. Which I guess probably means it's best Tanya was the one that got knocked up, because Andy would have been a total shit of a mother back then. So, after a few months of living under the teenage torture of Andrea, I really started to hate the sound of that Wayne's knock-her-up-Bronco-engine, because it meant I'd be stuck with Andrea and not Tanya. But Andrea and I worked-out our little relationship eventually. And by worked-out, I mean I figured out how to make her life as equally hellish as she made mine. So I did shit like pull the phone cord out of the wall when she was talking to one of her boyfriends and totally not babysitting me. Locked her out of my house then pointed and laughed at her through the kitchen window, which was hilarious in the middle of summer when it was like 115F. Told her best friend "Chantelle" that Andy had gossiped about her having an abortion (this was like 1981, and trust me, abortions were a BIG DEAL then -- like never allowed out of the house or invited to anyone's sleep-overs-ever-again: BIG DEAL. I don't think we saw Chantelle for 6 months or sumpin') and that she told other girls she liked to sniff her own butt. Yaknows, just keeping us on an even-keel, in a give-and-take relationship. And by give-and-take I mean I threatened to tell her momma she had her older, drop-out boyfriend in the house while mom was at work and that I had seen her n-a-k-e-d when he was there, so she better not eat the last double-stuff cookie, or drink the last of MY Dr. Skipper. How did I know she was n-a-k-e-d? Because her boyfriend locked her outside of her own house: n-a-k-e-d. Which was even more hilarious than her being locked out dressed when it was 115F! I liked that guy. Clearly he liked me, too. After all he got some pretty good "torture Andy" ideas from me. He also let me sit in the back seat of his Pinto and listen to Journey if I wasn't a blabby, annoying, little asshat. Yeah, Eric-the-drop-out and I got along fine. And sometimes Andy and I got along. Like that time we were sitting on her mom's old broke down Datsun's hood, listening to the radio, and they announced John Lennon had died. And we cried when they played "Woman" right after. But we didn't hug, because, well let's not be ridiculous. Or when she taught me and my BFF Pam how to feather our hair. Or that time she told all the nieghborhood kids I was way smarter than them because I got bumped up to fourth grade classes when I was in 3rd grade ala: "KC is way smarter than you. ALL OF YOU." Which was like an epic moment in our relationship because she had perfected the seething tone in which to call me a "butt head", and had mastered pigtail-pulling to an Olympic event. So hearing her actually compliment me, for anything, was like an "OH MY GOD I JUST BEAT PAC-MAN AND SOLVED RUBIK'S CUBE AT THE EXACT SAME TIME" moment in my childhood. I suppose I also have to thank her for my entire future, because it was Andy that told me how gross and shocking punk rockers were, like eating salads straight out of the sink (Inorite? WTF?) and wearing safety pins in their ears and I was all like thinking "Yessssss that's exactly what I want to be. Someone that can shock and bother Andy" and ta-da: Mission Accomplished! I'm sure the punk rock world thanks you, Andrea.
But what the hell does any of this have to do with plum pudding?
I'll tell ya.
Tanya and Andy's mom had a nice built in bookshelf along the wall of the entry way of her house. On that bookshelf stood a candle, in a glass jar, with a lid. A PLUM PUDDING scented candle.
I was freaking OBSESSED with that candle. In that way kids become obsessed with things they can't have but they can't leave alone, either. I didn't go over there very often (why would I? Their mom worked all the time, and she had raised her girls, she didn't want no little kid over there, always sniffing her plum pudding candle) but when I did, it was me and that candle: a plum pudding scented LOVE AFFAIR. I would stand in that dark entry way, quietly lift the lid and just sniffffffffffffffffff that candle like I couldn't get enough of the scent. It transported me to places where I was a princess and might get to eat something that tasted SO HEAVENLY, like the smell of that candle. THAT CANDLE. That gorgeous, had never been lit, piece of heaven, just sitting there day in, day out, waiting for me to come over and appreciate it and sniff it like nobody else did. . .
So today when I found myself the proud owner of ten pounds of plums all at once -- what came to my mind? YOU KNOW IT:
PLUM PUDDING.
So imagine my shock and dismay when I went looking for plum pudding recipes and none of them contained PLUMS. Wait WUTTTTT?
According to the folks at whatscookingamerica.net, here is WHY plum pudding contains no plums:
Oh of COURSE it'll be just like the British to go and name something "plum pudding" when it contains no plums. What else do you expect from the country that has thrust "One Direction" onto us?
Also does not contain plums. Does contain a ton of shite, though.
So what does this mean for me and my chasing down the scent of my childhood obsession? It means SCREW YOU ENGLAND, I am going to take those plums, soak them in wine and vanilla, sprinkle them in brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg, and then I am going to dehydrate them and make my whole house smell like that candle from my childhood. And we're going to have plum-pudding candy actually made from plums and there is NOTHING you can do about it! So HA!
Whatever happened to that candle you might be asking? Well if you're not, you're going to find out anyway. And I SWEAR on Gus Thresh's souless-ginger-soul I am not making this up . . .
Years later, when I was a still a teenager, I went to Andy and Tanya's moms house because Andy had married Eric, and they were having a little homey wedding reception. Journey was playing. The PLUM PUDDING CANDLE was finally lit . . . for the first time. Ever. Because I told Andy's mom this story and about my weird sniffing obsession with her candle. She looked at me a little funny (I totally understood, and I was already totally used to that, by the way), but she lit it. Because she kinda remembered the weird neighbor kid standing in her entry way all quiet and creepy, sniffing her candle. Yes, I also told her about Andy being locked outside n-a-k-e-d, so she slapped Andy . . . which was of epic hilarity to me. . . then, what happened next, of all things, Chantelle, (of abortion-and-butt-sniffing-fame) was standing there in front of those built-in bookshelves, talking to Andy's mom, when POOF -- her hair went up in flames. She always did like hairspray. Just sayin'. Thankfully though, they got the hair-fire out before she lost most of it, and thankfully she wasn't burned. But some of her burned hair drifted down into the gorgeous plum-pudding scented candle, and ruined it. Forevers like.
And my little goth heart broke into a million pieces of teh sads that night.
And so that's that. Wish me luck. I really need this scent to happen. And if it does? I MAY forgive Gus Thresh and the rest of England.
I have hit THAT age. The age where most of my stories start with "When I was a kid . . . "
So anyway, when I was a kid, my mom and I lived in a small house in Lancaster, California. We lived in a neighborhood that often had abandoned shopping carts parked into curbs. Old houses and dead lawns. A guy with no tongue who lived on the corner hoarding Franklin Mint Collectors Plates, roses body odor and cats. Two teenage girls lived across the street, with their single mom, and naturally those teenage girls were my babysitters. Tanya first, as she was the eldest, and she babysat me up until the guy (whose name was, naturally: Wayne) from the even deeper, scarier, parts of our little ghetto, with his blonde mullet, early 80's shieshter mustache, 4x4 Bronco, and lack of shirts with sleeves -- came and stole her away. Off Tanya went to a glamourless life of white trash, Pabst Blue Ribbon, tube tops and unicorns on velcro-purses, existence. And of course by "stole away" I mean <whispers>: "knockedherup".
Then Andy (the younger sister) took over and she was way more mean to me than Tanya. Which I guess probably means it's best Tanya was the one that got knocked up, because Andy would have been a total shit of a mother back then. So, after a few months of living under the teenage torture of Andrea, I really started to hate the sound of that Wayne's knock-her-up-Bronco-engine, because it meant I'd be stuck with Andrea and not Tanya. But Andrea and I worked-out our little relationship eventually. And by worked-out, I mean I figured out how to make her life as equally hellish as she made mine. So I did shit like pull the phone cord out of the wall when she was talking to one of her boyfriends and totally not babysitting me. Locked her out of my house then pointed and laughed at her through the kitchen window, which was hilarious in the middle of summer when it was like 115F. Told her best friend "Chantelle" that Andy had gossiped about her having an abortion (this was like 1981, and trust me, abortions were a BIG DEAL then -- like never allowed out of the house or invited to anyone's sleep-overs-ever-again: BIG DEAL. I don't think we saw Chantelle for 6 months or sumpin') and that she told other girls she liked to sniff her own butt. Yaknows, just keeping us on an even-keel, in a give-and-take relationship. And by give-and-take I mean I threatened to tell her momma she had her older, drop-out boyfriend in the house while mom was at work and that I had seen her n-a-k-e-d when he was there, so she better not eat the last double-stuff cookie, or drink the last of MY Dr. Skipper. How did I know she was n-a-k-e-d? Because her boyfriend locked her outside of her own house: n-a-k-e-d. Which was even more hilarious than her being locked out dressed when it was 115F! I liked that guy. Clearly he liked me, too. After all he got some pretty good "torture Andy" ideas from me. He also let me sit in the back seat of his Pinto and listen to Journey if I wasn't a blabby, annoying, little asshat. Yeah, Eric-the-drop-out and I got along fine. And sometimes Andy and I got along. Like that time we were sitting on her mom's old broke down Datsun's hood, listening to the radio, and they announced John Lennon had died. And we cried when they played "Woman" right after. But we didn't hug, because, well let's not be ridiculous. Or when she taught me and my BFF Pam how to feather our hair. Or that time she told all the nieghborhood kids I was way smarter than them because I got bumped up to fourth grade classes when I was in 3rd grade ala: "KC is way smarter than you. ALL OF YOU." Which was like an epic moment in our relationship because she had perfected the seething tone in which to call me a "butt head", and had mastered pigtail-pulling to an Olympic event. So hearing her actually compliment me, for anything, was like an "OH MY GOD I JUST BEAT PAC-MAN AND SOLVED RUBIK'S CUBE AT THE EXACT SAME TIME" moment in my childhood. I suppose I also have to thank her for my entire future, because it was Andy that told me how gross and shocking punk rockers were, like eating salads straight out of the sink (Inorite? WTF?) and wearing safety pins in their ears and I was all like thinking "Yessssss that's exactly what I want to be. Someone that can shock and bother Andy" and ta-da: Mission Accomplished! I'm sure the punk rock world thanks you, Andrea.
But what the hell does any of this have to do with plum pudding?
I'll tell ya.
Tanya and Andy's mom had a nice built in bookshelf along the wall of the entry way of her house. On that bookshelf stood a candle, in a glass jar, with a lid. A PLUM PUDDING scented candle.
I was freaking OBSESSED with that candle. In that way kids become obsessed with things they can't have but they can't leave alone, either. I didn't go over there very often (why would I? Their mom worked all the time, and she had raised her girls, she didn't want no little kid over there, always sniffing her plum pudding candle) but when I did, it was me and that candle: a plum pudding scented LOVE AFFAIR. I would stand in that dark entry way, quietly lift the lid and just sniffffffffffffffffff that candle like I couldn't get enough of the scent. It transported me to places where I was a princess and might get to eat something that tasted SO HEAVENLY, like the smell of that candle. THAT CANDLE. That gorgeous, had never been lit, piece of heaven, just sitting there day in, day out, waiting for me to come over and appreciate it and sniff it like nobody else did. . .
So today when I found myself the proud owner of ten pounds of plums all at once -- what came to my mind? YOU KNOW IT:
PLUM PUDDING.
So imagine my shock and dismay when I went looking for plum pudding recipes and none of them contained PLUMS. Wait WUTTTTT?
According to the folks at whatscookingamerica.net, here is WHY plum pudding contains no plums:
Plum pudding is a steamed or boiled pudding
frequently served at holiday times. Plum pudding has never contained plums. The name
Christmas pudding is first recorded in 1858 in a novel by Anthony Trollope.
Why is Plum Pudding called
Plum Pudding when there are no plums in it? In the 17th century, plums referred to raisins
or other fruits. Plumb is another spelling of plum. Prune is actually derived from the same word as plum - the Latin
word was pruna, which changed in the Germanic languages into pluma. But the terms were
quite confused in the 16th and 17th centuries and people talked about growing prunes in
their garden.
(1) Defination of "plum" in the Oxford English Dictionary
A dried grape or raisin as used for puddings, cakes, etc. This use probably arose from the substitution of raisins for dried plums or prunes as an ingredient in plum-broth, porridge, etc., with retention of the name 'plum' for the substituted article. The OED then goes on to list occurrences of this use in literature. Samuel Johnson defined a "plum" as "raisin; grape dried in the sun."(2) Some information from A Gourmet´s Guide by John Ayto
"Dried plums, or prunes, were popular in pies in medieval times, but gradually in the sixteenth and seventeenth century they began to be replaced by raisins. The dishes made with them, however, retained the term plum, and to this day the plum pudding, plum cake, plum duff etc. remind us of their former ingredients." And yes, the raisins were sometimes called plums in the 19th century, but only when they were in a plum pudding or plum cake ...(3) Quote from The Gourmets Guide "Nowadays served only at Christmas, and so called exclusively Christmas pudding, this was formerly a common year-round pudding (albeit not always as rich as the festive version); indeed, in 1748 Pehr Kalm, a Swedish visitor to England, noted that "the art of cooking as practised by Englishmen does not extend much beyond roast beef and plum pudding". And in 1814, one of the traditional English delicacies introduced to the French by Antoine Beauvilliers in his L´art du cuisiner was plomb-poutingue."
Oh of COURSE it'll be just like the British to go and name something "plum pudding" when it contains no plums. What else do you expect from the country that has thrust "One Direction" onto us?
Also does not contain plums. Does contain a ton of shite, though.
So what does this mean for me and my chasing down the scent of my childhood obsession? It means SCREW YOU ENGLAND, I am going to take those plums, soak them in wine and vanilla, sprinkle them in brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg, and then I am going to dehydrate them and make my whole house smell like that candle from my childhood. And we're going to have plum-pudding candy actually made from plums and there is NOTHING you can do about it! So HA!
Whatever happened to that candle you might be asking? Well if you're not, you're going to find out anyway. And I SWEAR on Gus Thresh's souless-ginger-soul I am not making this up . . .
Years later, when I was a still a teenager, I went to Andy and Tanya's moms house because Andy had married Eric, and they were having a little homey wedding reception. Journey was playing. The PLUM PUDDING CANDLE was finally lit . . . for the first time. Ever. Because I told Andy's mom this story and about my weird sniffing obsession with her candle. She looked at me a little funny (I totally understood, and I was already totally used to that, by the way), but she lit it. Because she kinda remembered the weird neighbor kid standing in her entry way all quiet and creepy, sniffing her candle. Yes, I also told her about Andy being locked outside n-a-k-e-d, so she slapped Andy . . . which was of epic hilarity to me. . . then, what happened next, of all things, Chantelle, (of abortion-and-butt-sniffing-fame) was standing there in front of those built-in bookshelves, talking to Andy's mom, when POOF -- her hair went up in flames. She always did like hairspray. Just sayin'. Thankfully though, they got the hair-fire out before she lost most of it, and thankfully she wasn't burned. But some of her burned hair drifted down into the gorgeous plum-pudding scented candle, and ruined it. Forevers like.
And my little goth heart broke into a million pieces of teh sads that night.
And so that's that. Wish me luck. I really need this scent to happen. And if it does? I MAY forgive Gus Thresh and the rest of England.
Farm Report for August 8th.
Well I got all sorts of stuff to tell ya, my darling waffles!
Last night at around sunset, I was sitting at my desk furiously typing away in a group-chatty thing with Billy, Pedro and Eartha. We were discussing the importance of being positive, how cute Billy's bum is, Eartha fielding marriage offers for my hand out of Ireland, my annoying habit of over-sharing everything (like I am doing right now) and Pedro musing he finds me perfect just the way I am (Dawwwww!) -- when movement out my office window caught my eye. A couple of the neighborhood kids and their mom decided to stop by and tour our orchard.
They're really cute, but I'm going to have to start being all grumpy-old-man if they start eating all our fruit. "GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU NO GOOD KIDS!" like. Carrying a rifle while I say it, like.
Today Pedro went to fetch Crysta after cheerleading practice and they stopped by the Mobile Food Bank that Pedro and I were asked to visit this morning. So they came home with 50LBS of potatoes. 20+ lbs Cucumbers. 10lbs Plums. And three huge flats of strawberries! We also got a nice variety of breads. SQUEEEEE!
So we all agreed that the best way to save and preserve a ton of these strawberries was to dehydrate them and make enough strawberry chips to last us through the winter.
I threw some banana chips on there, too. I can't eat them, but the kids can!
Our friend Shaunee has offered to get us a bunch of dill from her cousin's farm this weekend -- and then it's on, we're making pickles. LOTS AND LOTS of pickles. Pedro knows all about making pickles, he says. Good thing, as I have no freaking idea, I says.
I also want to make jam, but I really need someone to give me a shout-out for the best price on large amounts of pectin. Anyone?
As for the plums? I have plans for the plums. But that's a whole 'nother blog post. Stay tuned.
After unloading all these fruits and veggies we finally decided to take on Direct TV and figure out why their satellite service is being all PMS'y and working when it feels like. Seriously it's like "oh you haven't watched TV in seven months? Want to watch it now? Ha! TOO BAD SO SAD!". Apparently our dish needs to be "recalibrated" to talk to the satellite again. Which essentially means they're sending someone out to give her a Midol and an attitude adjustment.
Meanwhile, the war-of-the-wasps continues. We have a new species, it's black with a white face and one white racing stripe across their back. They're really aggressive and like to bump into me when I walk out onto the back deck. I'm becoming resentful. Really resentful. I had enough of that sort of shit in junior high, ya jerks. I don't have to put up with this anymore! Well, yes, I do. But I'll figure out how to punk em back, eventually.
So yeah, that's about it. I'm sure I'll think of something else once I hit post, but for now . . . yeah that's all I got. Except the plum post. And the promised peanut-butter-oatmeal cookie recipe of Eden's. (I'm typing it Nancy, I'm typing it already!)
Farm report over.
Last night at around sunset, I was sitting at my desk furiously typing away in a group-chatty thing with Billy, Pedro and Eartha. We were discussing the importance of being positive, how cute Billy's bum is, Eartha fielding marriage offers for my hand out of Ireland, my annoying habit of over-sharing everything (like I am doing right now) and Pedro musing he finds me perfect just the way I am (Dawwwww!) -- when movement out my office window caught my eye. A couple of the neighborhood kids and their mom decided to stop by and tour our orchard.
"Can Dash come out to play?"
They're really cute, but I'm going to have to start being all grumpy-old-man if they start eating all our fruit. "GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU NO GOOD KIDS!" like. Carrying a rifle while I say it, like.
Today Pedro went to fetch Crysta after cheerleading practice and they stopped by the Mobile Food Bank that Pedro and I were asked to visit this morning. So they came home with 50LBS of potatoes. 20+ lbs Cucumbers. 10lbs Plums. And three huge flats of strawberries! We also got a nice variety of breads. SQUEEEEE!
So we all agreed that the best way to save and preserve a ton of these strawberries was to dehydrate them and make enough strawberry chips to last us through the winter.
My house smells divine. Like what I imagine Willy Wonka's farts must smell like.
I threw some banana chips on there, too. I can't eat them, but the kids can!
Our friend Shaunee has offered to get us a bunch of dill from her cousin's farm this weekend -- and then it's on, we're making pickles. LOTS AND LOTS of pickles. Pedro knows all about making pickles, he says. Good thing, as I have no freaking idea, I says.
I also want to make jam, but I really need someone to give me a shout-out for the best price on large amounts of pectin. Anyone?
As for the plums? I have plans for the plums. But that's a whole 'nother blog post. Stay tuned.
After unloading all these fruits and veggies we finally decided to take on Direct TV and figure out why their satellite service is being all PMS'y and working when it feels like. Seriously it's like "oh you haven't watched TV in seven months? Want to watch it now? Ha! TOO BAD SO SAD!". Apparently our dish needs to be "recalibrated" to talk to the satellite again. Which essentially means they're sending someone out to give her a Midol and an attitude adjustment.
Meanwhile, the war-of-the-wasps continues. We have a new species, it's black with a white face and one white racing stripe across their back. They're really aggressive and like to bump into me when I walk out onto the back deck. I'm becoming resentful. Really resentful. I had enough of that sort of shit in junior high, ya jerks. I don't have to put up with this anymore! Well, yes, I do. But I'll figure out how to punk em back, eventually.
So yeah, that's about it. I'm sure I'll think of something else once I hit post, but for now . . . yeah that's all I got. Except the plum post. And the promised peanut-butter-oatmeal cookie recipe of Eden's. (I'm typing it Nancy, I'm typing it already!)
Farm report over.
It's that time of the month, again. NO, not THAT time of the month.
It's the time of the month where grocery money goes and gets scarce on us and I start coming up with really creative dinners that taste freakin' AWESOME and I get all kinds of accolades (in my head) because I fed a big family for like $1.00 a person . . . no seriously, I did get a lot of "Thanks MAWM that was so good!" tonight. And that makes my heart all proud and happy because I basically just made the laziest "gourmet" dinner of all time.
If you each give me a dollar: I'll stop writing run-on sentences. Ha! Just kidding!
Anyway, I know we're all trying to get away from "boxed dinners" and "boxed sides" and I'm all preachy-keen on telling you that you can make the same thing easily without over-processed ingredients. But let's face it -- sometimes those "Sides" are on sale. Or we have coupons. Or we're just busy/lazy. . . and so this post on my non-foodie blog is how to make a FREAKING awesome, gourmet-tasting din-din with boxed Pasta-Roni sides (2). A can of Baby Clams (1 -- Large can). A cheap little box of wine. A half a head of garlic. And half a stick of butter.. .
So basically buy the large can of baby clams (and if you young mommas are all like "ewww, no! Gross! I'd never eat that, nevermind my kids!" will you please just trust me? If you won't? Well I guess that's yer problem! Because even my pickiest eater -- who won't even eat corn -- LOVED this. Just sayin'. And YOU will be the one missing out.)
So yeah. . . back to the quick, easy recipe. . .
If you're going to use two different flavors like I did, make sure it's the same pasta and/or cook times, with relatively the same amount of liquid ingredients. I went with two angel hair pastas, one parmesan, one herb. . . both require the exact same amount of butter and liquid.
Pour 1/2 cup white wine -- that cheaper boxed wine (which is very tasty by the way) like Bandit, and the rest can be reserved for other dishes, or drank to cure your headache that you must be having> Obviously. Because you are trying to make something simple and quick here. Which means you either started the day with a headache, or ended with one . . . either way . .. . . put just a 1/2 cup white wine into a large measuring cup of AT LEAST 3 cup capacity.
Use 4 TBSP butter like the recipe for the boxes say, or stay on the larger end of what the recipes on your boxed-sides call for. So if they say 2-4TBSP butter -- go 4. You need the extra butter-fat for sauteeing. Melt in large pot. Dice/press your garlic. Drain the can of clams but RESERVE THE CLAM JUICE into that large (3-4 cup) measuring cup your 1/2 cup of wine is already sitting in. Don't worry it won't make your dish "fishy" it'll make it all the MORE awesome. Sautee garlic and clams in butter for 2-4 minutes over high heat.
According to the back of your packaged meal boxes, add water to the clam juice and wine in your large liquid measuring cup to total the amount of "water" you would need for cooking both packages (in my case with the two packages shown above: it came to 2 and 2/3 cups). Add to your hot pot of sautee'ing garlic and clams. Add the required milk to your pot (in my case with the two packages I made shown above came out to 1 and 1/3rd cup of milk). Bring all to a boil, then add the pasta and "spice packets".
Cook for time suggested on your packages (4 minutes for me) stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and let thin sauce thicken (about 5 minutes). Add some fresh chopped parsley if you have it around. Stir well. Serve with some nice crusty french bread and the rest of the butter . . .
Voila! Nice seafood pasta dish made on the cheap and easy (unlike myself, I am never cheap and easy) that doesn't taste fishy nor over-processed, that my kids love because it does taste kinda processed and not at all suspect of "fishy"!! Thanks Pasta-Roni! And Baby Clams! and trust us, we know you aren't chicken-clams, Oh Chicken of the Sea!
So voila, not everyone is perfect and bakes perfect bisquits in the morning and prepares kale fried salmon & clam cheeks with a perfect Bento pink-dyed- rice & sauteed star fruit over a kimchee salad. Just keeping it real.
PLEASE NOTE! I do have friends whose children could live or die by their diets -- and I give them a huge hats-off for all they do to cook everything down to the inth investigation of what is in their children's food. This post is not for them, obviously.
If you each give me a dollar: I'll stop writing run-on sentences. Ha! Just kidding!
Anyway, I know we're all trying to get away from "boxed dinners" and "boxed sides" and I'm all preachy-keen on telling you that you can make the same thing easily without over-processed ingredients. But let's face it -- sometimes those "Sides" are on sale. Or we have coupons. Or we're just busy/lazy. . . and so this post on my non-foodie blog is how to make a FREAKING awesome, gourmet-tasting din-din with boxed Pasta-Roni sides (2). A can of Baby Clams (1 -- Large can). A cheap little box of wine. A half a head of garlic. And half a stick of butter.. .
So basically buy the large can of baby clams (and if you young mommas are all like "ewww, no! Gross! I'd never eat that, nevermind my kids!" will you please just trust me? If you won't? Well I guess that's yer problem! Because even my pickiest eater -- who won't even eat corn -- LOVED this. Just sayin'. And YOU will be the one missing out.)
So yeah. . . back to the quick, easy recipe. . .
If you're going to use two different flavors like I did, make sure it's the same pasta and/or cook times, with relatively the same amount of liquid ingredients. I went with two angel hair pastas, one parmesan, one herb. . . both require the exact same amount of butter and liquid.
Pour 1/2 cup white wine -- that cheaper boxed wine (which is very tasty by the way) like Bandit, and the rest can be reserved for other dishes, or drank to cure your headache that you must be having> Obviously. Because you are trying to make something simple and quick here. Which means you either started the day with a headache, or ended with one . . . either way . .. . . put just a 1/2 cup white wine into a large measuring cup of AT LEAST 3 cup capacity.
Use 4 TBSP butter like the recipe for the boxes say, or stay on the larger end of what the recipes on your boxed-sides call for. So if they say 2-4TBSP butter -- go 4. You need the extra butter-fat for sauteeing. Melt in large pot. Dice/press your garlic. Drain the can of clams but RESERVE THE CLAM JUICE into that large (3-4 cup) measuring cup your 1/2 cup of wine is already sitting in. Don't worry it won't make your dish "fishy" it'll make it all the MORE awesome. Sautee garlic and clams in butter for 2-4 minutes over high heat.
According to the back of your packaged meal boxes, add water to the clam juice and wine in your large liquid measuring cup to total the amount of "water" you would need for cooking both packages (in my case with the two packages shown above: it came to 2 and 2/3 cups). Add to your hot pot of sautee'ing garlic and clams. Add the required milk to your pot (in my case with the two packages I made shown above came out to 1 and 1/3rd cup of milk). Bring all to a boil, then add the pasta and "spice packets".
Cook for time suggested on your packages (4 minutes for me) stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and let thin sauce thicken (about 5 minutes). Add some fresh chopped parsley if you have it around. Stir well. Serve with some nice crusty french bread and the rest of the butter . . .
Voila! Nice seafood pasta dish made on the cheap and easy (unlike myself, I am never cheap and easy) that doesn't taste fishy nor over-processed, that my kids love because it does taste kinda processed and not at all suspect of "fishy"!! Thanks Pasta-Roni! And Baby Clams! and trust us, we know you aren't chicken-clams, Oh Chicken of the Sea!
So voila, not everyone is perfect and bakes perfect bisquits in the morning and prepares kale fried salmon & clam cheeks with a perfect Bento pink-dyed- rice & sauteed star fruit over a kimchee salad. Just keeping it real.
PLEASE NOTE! I do have friends whose children could live or die by their diets -- and I give them a huge hats-off for all they do to cook everything down to the inth investigation of what is in their children's food. This post is not for them, obviously.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Jambalaya. Non-Burned, Non-Masticated, Perfectly Cooked IN THE OVEN: JAMBALAYA
What goes better with jalapeno'd and honeyed cornbread muffins? Jambalaya!
Who is going to give you the most awesome way to make Jambalaya without burning the rice on the bottom of the pan, or destroying the ingredients from over-stirring when you're trying not to burn the rice on the bottom? ME!
In the effort to be plainly clear that I refuse to plagiarize -- I did get the actual "baking the jambalaya in the oven" idea from Anna Beth and Vince Chao seen in Bon Appetit, March 2011. Their recipe called for chicken thighs. I found that really sorta gross and distracting a flavor, but because it's jambalaya you can throw in any kind of meat you want. Do what you need to! Just make sure you follow the liquid-to-rice ratio, or you'll have problems.
"Hard to Screw Up Jambalaya"
3/4lb (12oz) bacon, diced
1.5lbs smoked sausage. I typically use Polska Kielbasa. Pedro likes Portuguese Linguica. Mix em up! Beer brats actually taste pretty good, too. So basically 1.5lbs of any smoked sausage. Half them, then thin-slice so you have 1/4-1/2" thick half-circles.
1lb Andouille sausages, half them and slice.
1lb smoked ham. Any kind will do. Cube the ham into 1/4" cubes.
The New Orleans trinity:
4 medium white or yellow onions, chopped
3 large celery stalks, chopped
1 large red bell pepper, chopped
1 large green bell pepper, chopped
Herbs and spices:
2.5TBSP Paprika (if you are using REAL paprika from Hungary <dad> dial that back a bit or it'll over power the dish -- maybe 1.5TBSP)
1 TBSP fresh Thyme, pulled from stem, and chopped to release flavors. OR 1tsp dry thyme leaves (not powder, if all you have is thyme powder, go for only 1/2tsp).
1.5TBSP Chili Powder (Trader Joes makes the best, just sayin')
Cayenne -- for non-spicy, got with only 1/4tsp. Our family typically uses and likes a full teaspoon. If you like your Jambalaya extra spicy? Go for 1&1/2tsp Cayenne. But be careful!
3 (10oz) cans chopped tomatoes. For better flavor over-all, get the chopped tomatoes with diced green chilies.
2.5 cups water.
1 well rounded Tablespoons Better than Bouillon Beef Flavor. Or Granules enough to make 2.5 cups water into beef broth. Or use 2.5 cups beef broth and skip the water. However, I still have not found a better flavor for any broth than Better than Bouillon.
3 cups long grain white rice.
1 bunch green onions/scallions
1 bunch flat leaf parsley
1/2lb shrimp (deveined and peeled) or crawfish (optional)
DIRECTIONS:
Move highest rack to bottom of your oven and preheat to 350F.
In a LARGE Dutch Oven or metal pot with a lid, brown your bacon to a nice crisp on the stove top over medium-high heat. DO NOT DRAIN! Add your sausages and ham, stirring occasionally, until the meats have nice little brown spots, about 10 minutes. Add the onions, celery and bell peppers. Again, stir until onions are soft and the peppers have nice little brown spots, another 10-15 minutes. Mix in all your herbs and spices, coating the meats and veggies well, cook about 1 minute. Add the canned tomatoes with green chilies and incorporate. Finally add your water and bouillon. Stir to blend it all up nicely. Give it a little taste and see if you need more cayenne. Add your rice. Turn the heat up to high and wait until the jambalaya mix starts boiling in multiple spots. Turn off the stove heat, place lid on your pot and carefully move the covered pot to preheated oven. Bake in 350 oven for 45 minutes -- no more than 48 minutes! In the meantime chop your green onions, prepare your shrimp or boil your crawfish. Make your honey-jalapeno-corn-muffin batter and prep your pan!
When you pull your jambalaya out of the oven, stir in seafood and green onions. Re-cover the pot while your cornbread bakes. At serving, sprinkle the jambalaya with fresh chopped parsley, and enjoy your perfectly baked, non-burned, pot of New Orleans DELISH! With Cornbread!
(This post is dedicated to my friend Jon A. Acuna Miller, who hails from the deepest, most jambalayin' parts of Louisiana, and who, like me, couldn't figure out how not to burn the damn rice on the bottom of the pot! Here's to us and non-burned-rice, Jon!)
Who is going to give you the most awesome way to make Jambalaya without burning the rice on the bottom of the pan, or destroying the ingredients from over-stirring when you're trying not to burn the rice on the bottom? ME!
In the effort to be plainly clear that I refuse to plagiarize -- I did get the actual "baking the jambalaya in the oven" idea from Anna Beth and Vince Chao seen in Bon Appetit, March 2011. Their recipe called for chicken thighs. I found that really sorta gross and distracting a flavor, but because it's jambalaya you can throw in any kind of meat you want. Do what you need to! Just make sure you follow the liquid-to-rice ratio, or you'll have problems.
"Hard to Screw Up Jambalaya"
3/4lb (12oz) bacon, diced
1.5lbs smoked sausage. I typically use Polska Kielbasa. Pedro likes Portuguese Linguica. Mix em up! Beer brats actually taste pretty good, too. So basically 1.5lbs of any smoked sausage. Half them, then thin-slice so you have 1/4-1/2" thick half-circles.
1lb Andouille sausages, half them and slice.
1lb smoked ham. Any kind will do. Cube the ham into 1/4" cubes.
The New Orleans trinity:
4 medium white or yellow onions, chopped
3 large celery stalks, chopped
1 large red bell pepper, chopped
1 large green bell pepper, chopped
Herbs and spices:
2.5TBSP Paprika (if you are using REAL paprika from Hungary <dad> dial that back a bit or it'll over power the dish -- maybe 1.5TBSP)
1 TBSP fresh Thyme, pulled from stem, and chopped to release flavors. OR 1tsp dry thyme leaves (not powder, if all you have is thyme powder, go for only 1/2tsp).
1.5TBSP Chili Powder (Trader Joes makes the best, just sayin')
Cayenne -- for non-spicy, got with only 1/4tsp. Our family typically uses and likes a full teaspoon. If you like your Jambalaya extra spicy? Go for 1&1/2tsp Cayenne. But be careful!
3 (10oz) cans chopped tomatoes. For better flavor over-all, get the chopped tomatoes with diced green chilies.
2.5 cups water.
1 well rounded Tablespoons Better than Bouillon Beef Flavor. Or Granules enough to make 2.5 cups water into beef broth. Or use 2.5 cups beef broth and skip the water. However, I still have not found a better flavor for any broth than Better than Bouillon.
3 cups long grain white rice.
1 bunch green onions/scallions
1 bunch flat leaf parsley
1/2lb shrimp (deveined and peeled) or crawfish (optional)
DIRECTIONS:
Move highest rack to bottom of your oven and preheat to 350F.
In a LARGE Dutch Oven or metal pot with a lid, brown your bacon to a nice crisp on the stove top over medium-high heat. DO NOT DRAIN! Add your sausages and ham, stirring occasionally, until the meats have nice little brown spots, about 10 minutes. Add the onions, celery and bell peppers. Again, stir until onions are soft and the peppers have nice little brown spots, another 10-15 minutes. Mix in all your herbs and spices, coating the meats and veggies well, cook about 1 minute. Add the canned tomatoes with green chilies and incorporate. Finally add your water and bouillon. Stir to blend it all up nicely. Give it a little taste and see if you need more cayenne. Add your rice. Turn the heat up to high and wait until the jambalaya mix starts boiling in multiple spots. Turn off the stove heat, place lid on your pot and carefully move the covered pot to preheated oven. Bake in 350 oven for 45 minutes -- no more than 48 minutes! In the meantime chop your green onions, prepare your shrimp or boil your crawfish. Make your honey-jalapeno-corn-muffin batter and prep your pan!
When you pull your jambalaya out of the oven, stir in seafood and green onions. Re-cover the pot while your cornbread bakes. At serving, sprinkle the jambalaya with fresh chopped parsley, and enjoy your perfectly baked, non-burned, pot of New Orleans DELISH! With Cornbread!
(This post is dedicated to my friend Jon A. Acuna Miller, who hails from the deepest, most jambalayin' parts of Louisiana, and who, like me, couldn't figure out how not to burn the damn rice on the bottom of the pot! Here's to us and non-burned-rice, Jon!)
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
How to make those cheap-o Jiffy Corn Bread packages taste like heaven!
I don't know about you all, but those cheap Jiffy Corn Bread packages come in handy for a side, but not really -- because all of us are typically sitting around with the look of swallowing a bitter-pill after having a bite. Because that's what they taste like: age old, bitter pill, corn meal YUCK!
I have yet to enter an American kitchen that doesn't have at least one package of this in their cupboards. So I know I am not the only one that -- often regrettably -- makes them on occasion.
Well my step-daughter Crysta and I (Crysta is my home-style-kitchen-road-dog these days. She hangs with me at every meal. She's my sous-chef, my assistant, and by-far: the best cooking pupil to-date. She doesn't argue. She doesn't ask dumb-or-obvious questions. She just does and gets-em-done. And I rarely have to tell her anything twice, or if I do, it's just a refresher, because she KNOWS the basics after one lesson! She's rocking! OK enough blowing up of Crysta's ego, let's get to the point) figured out tonight a way to make the cheap mix taste sweet, and like a home-made cornmeal cornbread.
Follow all the directions on the Jiffy box, and while your batter is "resting": thin slice a fresh jalapeno pepper. Half it, rib and de-seed it, the slice into 1/4" strips. For our larger family we used two boxes and a whole jalapeno. For smaller servings use one box and one half a jalapeno. Mix the thin-sliced jalapeno into the batter and let it rest at least 10 minutes. In the meantime, cooking-spray a large muffin pan.
After your batter is all fluffy-big, and you have deposited it 3/4 full into each cupcake/muffin cup --
ADD ONE TEASPOON OF FRESH, REAL, 100% HONEY (we LOVE Orange Blossom honey around here) TO EACH CUP ON TOP OF THE BATTER.
Bake per usual, and ZOMG, enjoy! REALLY TASTY CORNBREAD MUFFINS!
Punk Rock Farm APPROVED!
Also, another household tip, as previously stated on facebook: GAIN LAUNDRY POWDER removes ages old soap scum from bathtubs. I honestly cannot believe how much it's removed and it was just an accidental discovery from having to hand-wash laundry in our old, old bathtub! I didn't even attack the scum properly yet -- it just vanished slowly, but surely -- after a few loads of laundry!
I have yet to enter an American kitchen that doesn't have at least one package of this in their cupboards. So I know I am not the only one that -- often regrettably -- makes them on occasion.
Well my step-daughter Crysta and I (Crysta is my home-style-kitchen-road-dog these days. She hangs with me at every meal. She's my sous-chef, my assistant, and by-far: the best cooking pupil to-date. She doesn't argue. She doesn't ask dumb-or-obvious questions. She just does and gets-em-done. And I rarely have to tell her anything twice, or if I do, it's just a refresher, because she KNOWS the basics after one lesson! She's rocking! OK enough blowing up of Crysta's ego, let's get to the point) figured out tonight a way to make the cheap mix taste sweet, and like a home-made cornmeal cornbread.
Follow all the directions on the Jiffy box, and while your batter is "resting": thin slice a fresh jalapeno pepper. Half it, rib and de-seed it, the slice into 1/4" strips. For our larger family we used two boxes and a whole jalapeno. For smaller servings use one box and one half a jalapeno. Mix the thin-sliced jalapeno into the batter and let it rest at least 10 minutes. In the meantime, cooking-spray a large muffin pan.
After your batter is all fluffy-big, and you have deposited it 3/4 full into each cupcake/muffin cup --
ADD ONE TEASPOON OF FRESH, REAL, 100% HONEY (we LOVE Orange Blossom honey around here) TO EACH CUP ON TOP OF THE BATTER.
Bake per usual, and ZOMG, enjoy! REALLY TASTY CORNBREAD MUFFINS!
Punk Rock Farm APPROVED!
Also, another household tip, as previously stated on facebook: GAIN LAUNDRY POWDER removes ages old soap scum from bathtubs. I honestly cannot believe how much it's removed and it was just an accidental discovery from having to hand-wash laundry in our old, old bathtub! I didn't even attack the scum properly yet -- it just vanished slowly, but surely -- after a few loads of laundry!
So it's been ages, my darling waffles . . . let's catch up!
On July 1st, 2013 us two city-raised kids moved onto a five acre farm North of Spokane, WA. With four of our kids. Two girls turning fourteen this year, and entering high school come September. My eight year old daughter and five year old son.
I'd like to give a disclaimer here to say that we're not completely out of our ability. Pedro was born on a farm-stead on one of the islands of the Azores. I worked on a horse ranch every weekend when I was in 8th grade, and also grew up tending a large cattle ranch with my father for many weeks out of the year (long story, some other time). So it's not hopeless! We have some idea how things are done (alright, alright, Pedro more-so than I). We also take a lot of great ideas from the folks over at Punk Rock Homesteading.
Thus far: it's been an amazing experience.
A little about the farm: as you know we have 5 acres. We have an old dilapidated barn that needs some serious work. The house itself is a hot-mess on the outside, but fairly clean on the inside. It needs some cosmetic work inside, and I'll be happy to take you on that journey as we fix it up. The house is actually a 1964 mobile home on one part, and built onto over the years to become quite expansive. There's 3 bedrooms, and even a hot-tub room, with hot tub. Pedro plans to move the tub and turn that room into my studio. So while it's not pretty to look at from the outside, it's thus far cool in the summer, and has a large woodstove to keep us warm through the winter.
We have approximately 20 old-growth fruit trees. Many variations of apples. Pears. Plums (2-3 varieties). Apricots. Prunes. There's a lot of other old-growth, non fruit baring trees, mostly pines or evergreens.
We have two large old-growth grapevines.
The one crop we know that was raised here in the last 15 years is garlic.
And lots of hay-grass. Lots and lots of hay-grass.
We're building a chicken coop in part of our shop/laundry/out building storage space.
We've put dibs on some piglets. I'm also considering sheep. Since neither of us have raised sheep, that might be a year in the coming, and at least one child schooled in a 4-H program.
Our nearest neighbors raise rodeo bulls. Which is pretty fantastic, and absolutely hilarious (and frankly, a bit scary) when their largest bull broke down our fence and decided the grass on our side of the fence was greener. This "xtra-large, wandering bull" business went on a good 24 hours. Other neighbors came in to help, even trying to wrangle him with the use of a quad. All to no avail. Alas, the high-pitched screams of my daughters were the only sure deterrent . . . and now we know how to get rid of wandering bulls!
There's plenty of amazing wildlife around here. Deer, moose, elk, coyotes and even wolves.
Every day is, if not a natural adventure, an adventure in homesteading, fixing up, learning-on and parenting kids in a very rural and fantastic way!
So please stay-tuned, we have a lot more to talk about, a lot of fantastic recipes, parenting snafus, wildlife snafus, and how to have fun in the middle of freakin' nowhere. Even if "nowhere" happens to be your living room. ;-)We hope to at least entertain all of you.
KC & Pedro
I'd like to give a disclaimer here to say that we're not completely out of our ability. Pedro was born on a farm-stead on one of the islands of the Azores. I worked on a horse ranch every weekend when I was in 8th grade, and also grew up tending a large cattle ranch with my father for many weeks out of the year (long story, some other time). So it's not hopeless! We have some idea how things are done (alright, alright, Pedro more-so than I). We also take a lot of great ideas from the folks over at Punk Rock Homesteading.
Thus far: it's been an amazing experience.
A little about the farm: as you know we have 5 acres. We have an old dilapidated barn that needs some serious work. The house itself is a hot-mess on the outside, but fairly clean on the inside. It needs some cosmetic work inside, and I'll be happy to take you on that journey as we fix it up. The house is actually a 1964 mobile home on one part, and built onto over the years to become quite expansive. There's 3 bedrooms, and even a hot-tub room, with hot tub. Pedro plans to move the tub and turn that room into my studio. So while it's not pretty to look at from the outside, it's thus far cool in the summer, and has a large woodstove to keep us warm through the winter.
We have approximately 20 old-growth fruit trees. Many variations of apples. Pears. Plums (2-3 varieties). Apricots. Prunes. There's a lot of other old-growth, non fruit baring trees, mostly pines or evergreens.
We have two large old-growth grapevines.
The one crop we know that was raised here in the last 15 years is garlic.
And lots of hay-grass. Lots and lots of hay-grass.
We're building a chicken coop in part of our shop/laundry/out building storage space.
We've put dibs on some piglets. I'm also considering sheep. Since neither of us have raised sheep, that might be a year in the coming, and at least one child schooled in a 4-H program.
Our nearest neighbors raise rodeo bulls. Which is pretty fantastic, and absolutely hilarious (and frankly, a bit scary) when their largest bull broke down our fence and decided the grass on our side of the fence was greener. This "xtra-large, wandering bull" business went on a good 24 hours. Other neighbors came in to help, even trying to wrangle him with the use of a quad. All to no avail. Alas, the high-pitched screams of my daughters were the only sure deterrent . . . and now we know how to get rid of wandering bulls!
There's plenty of amazing wildlife around here. Deer, moose, elk, coyotes and even wolves.
Every day is, if not a natural adventure, an adventure in homesteading, fixing up, learning-on and parenting kids in a very rural and fantastic way!
So please stay-tuned, we have a lot more to talk about, a lot of fantastic recipes, parenting snafus, wildlife snafus, and how to have fun in the middle of freakin' nowhere. Even if "nowhere" happens to be your living room. ;-)We hope to at least entertain all of you.
KC & Pedro
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