FYI (if you're a self-righteous mom who writes blog-posts to condemn and slut-shame teenage girls)

Hi there Mrs. Hall! I've been going through my own social media page this morning, and it seems you are an over-night internet sensation! A celebrity of the week. Some might even say you OWN the internet today. Congratulations!

Some of the posts I have seen in regard to your blog post are fully supportive and agree with your opinion.  Most of the opinions I've seen are very critical, because you see, the level of double standard you "went to" in order to get your point across is simply mind-blowing. Want to punch my monitor: mind blowing. 

It seems the biggest hoopla surrounding your "advice" to teenage girls was the fact you posted pictures of your teenage sons, half naked, on a beach: IN THE EXACT SAME POST.

I saw your comment response, that you were just blown-away by the response of people saying "but but but, wait a minute, you're shaming girls and yet flaunting boys. Do you NOT SEE what's wrong with that?". Because you honestly don't see what's wrong with that. I'm going to give you some insight, if you'll allow me. So take my hand . . . let me explain WHY what you did was wrong, as the Christian mother of not one, but TWO teenage girls. . . 


You see, there's nothing wrong with kids, even teenage kids, in bathing suits. Be they at pools, at lakes, at rivers or at beaches.  More importantly: there's nothing wrong with teenage GIRLS in bathing suits in any of the above-mentioned places. However -- and this is the most important part of my post -- so please pay attention right NOW:

TEENAGE GIRLS ARE BEING TOLD, WITH INCREASED FREQUENCY, TO COVER UP. TO STAY COVERED UP. BECAUSE THEIR BUDDING AND BLOSSOMING BODIES ARE TEMPTING NOT ONLY TO BOYS BUT TO GROWN MEN. THEY ARE BEING TAUGHT, TIME AND TIME AGAIN: THAT IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT. AND IF THEY DON'T SHOW SOME HUMILITY AND WEAR ONLY CONSERVATIVE DRESS THEY'LL DESERVE ALL THE BAD THINGS THEY GET LIKE AN OGLING OR EVEN POSSIBLY: RAPE.

You see, I have been in a hot-headed mood since last year's 8th grade school-sponsored "pool party" where ALL the girls were told to wear shirts over their bathing suits or they couldn't swim. The boys could go shirtless, of course. But not the girls.  Despite wearing bathing suits under the shirts. I didn't learn about this until AFTER the party. Why? Because my girls knew I would speak up -- and they didn't want me to. They just wanted to swim. . .

And you know what sticks with me to this day? Not one parent, one teacher, or one school administrator thought to say: "Why don't we tell the boys, and the male school employees not to objectify and sexualize our girls instead of demanding the girls cover up the very things which they cannot help but be: and that is growing, beautiful GIRLS?"

My beautiful girls. I can post my gorgeous children in their bathing suits, too. See how I am?

Because we live in a world of ridiculous girl-blaming rape culture. Of "slut shaming". Where more often than not, even the media will portray the victims of rape as the instigators. The ones to blame. If she wouldn't have been standing there all being a girl and stuff, that would have never happened to her. 

Do you realize that the only people that can stop that sort of outlook, that sort of view of the females of our society: is the parents of boys? That's YOU Mrs. Hall. And that's ME, too.
 
Instead, you have flauntingly condescended the female teenage friends of your sons. You perpetuated the exact culture that really needs to end. You have taught and demanded from your boys a fantastic double standard. "Oh that girl is clearly a little slut, we have to unfriend her!". Did it even ONCE occur to you to ask your boys to find out what might be bothering the girl that compelled her to post a picture that may or may not be crying out for something? Did you ask your boys if that girl had been bullied at school today? No, what you did say to the girls was, and I quote:

"And now – big bummer – we have to block your posts. Because, the reason we have these (sometimes awkward) family conversations around the table is that we care about our sons, just as we know your parents care about you."

I love your use of italics on the "your parents care about you". You see, I'm like the reigning queen of sarcasm. I LOVE the use of italics to get my one-two-punch across. However, this made me want to punch my monitor. Why?

Because you not only don't know what's going on in those girls' personal lives, you blamed the parents right out the gate. You know what's even more tragic? You didn't take a teachable moment in raising your sons to love, respect and revere girls or women. It would have been so simple to ask your boys if they knew if a certain girl might be hurting. Having family problems. Being bullied at school. NOPE. "No sirree Mister! We're going to unfriend that ho-bag right now! She's just way too much slut for my precious little angels! Let's get rid of her! The ONLY problem that girl has is too much whore going on!"

How do you know that little girl wasn't called fat or ugly at school today? How do you know that this girl's parents might be caring for an aging or ill parent or family member? How do you know that one of her parents aren't dying themselves? How do you know ANYTHING at all about these girls when you have taught your sons intolerance? A disturbing lack of understanding? Compassion? Care?

You know what I want my SONS to ask a girl who posts a provocative photo on the web? "Is everything alright with you? You know I'm your friend and I'm here for you.". That's all. Nothing more. No shaming. No judging. Just some actual concern.

 It's hard not to notice that the whole "selfie revolution" has swept the world of teenage girls and this is how, right now, they express themselves. You'd have to have your head in the sand if you haven't noticed, even if you don't have kids! And maybe some parents don't notice -- not because they don't care, but maybe because they are doing everything they can in their own lives to stay afloat? But who are you to judge if they care, or if they don't? Maybe mom is raising kids on her own and working two jobs? See . . . instead of teaching compassion, or teaching about the ills of assumptions . . . you taught your boys to be intolerant of dem slut-girls. Because I am sure your precious boys never do anything wrong when they are stressed, or hurt, or upset. They would nevah take suggestive selfies, of course, they know better. But they're boys, so that may not just be attributed to your stellar parenting. However, I would bet a donut and a cup of coffee your boys have at least one bathroom mirror selfie on their pages -- somewhere. . .    

Coolest selfie EVAH.

So let's break this down, shall we?

• You've shamed all girls that have taken a ridiculous selfie and posted it on the web. For like all time. You didn't think "oh that little girl could probably use a hug" -- you posted that they're all worthless sluts whose parents obviously don't care for them and now they can't be friends with your sons.

• You've taught your sons to be intolerant of women, of their weaknesses, their cries for help, or  how not to offer even just a little kindness. Because if they don't behave like upstanding moral Christian girls 100% of the time, they're not worth the gum on the bottom of your son's shoe. Ever. No second chances. No nothing. Tell me, did you really make it through all those angsty, teenage years without making a single mistake? Because that's so impressive. I can't think of another reason why else you would tell your sons that women can't be allowed to make bad choices or mistakes as teenagers -- unless you, yourself, came through adolescence absolutely crystal-clean! Because clearly these girls personal problems, and possibly their own crisis should NOT matter to your boys. I mean you got through your teenage years crystal, right? The ONLY thing that matters is that your sons can't "unsee those pictures". You know, I keep checking Costco, and I'm sorry to report they don't seem to have economy sizes of Brain-Bleach in stock. Big bummer! You'll have to tell your sons what I tell my kids! "Deal with it". Poor babies.  

• You've shamed girls for dressing provocatively then in the same exact moment in internet-time posted half-naked pictures of your sons and husband frolicking around being anything BUT modest. And you just can't understand WHY that bothers anyone. Especially us mothers of teenage girls. Because boys and men don't have to be modest! Our girls better cover up though -- lest they tempt yours sons or husbands -- the little sluts! Big bummer-- we have to unfriend you!

 
NOW do you see what's wrong with what you posted?  NOW DO YOU SEE WHY WE WANT TO PUNCH OUR MONITORS? Now do you see how you are personally perpetuating the girl-blaming-rape-culture in how you are raising your own sons? Now do you understand the very uncharitable and sincerely un-Christian stance of intolerance and judging you have propagated not only within your own family, but upon tons of teenage girls AND THEIR PARENTS? 

Now, do you see?  

The definition of "Twat Waffle" explained here: http://twatwaffles.blogspot.com/2013/09/what-is-twat-waffle.html

***Post-note: There's something really bothering me, about Mrs. Hall and her original blog. It bothers me as a mother of teenage girls and a boy on the cusp of his teens. WHY didn't you contact these girls PARENTS when you saw pictures "so provocative" you made your sons' unfriend and block them? Because, honestly, if I were unaware that one of my children had posted something inappropriate? I would surely appreciate a head's up. Because that's a caring thing to do. For the child in question and everyone involved.  I just don't understand how you jumped from demanding your sons' unfriend these girls, to blatant "slut shaming" on the internet, with no word what-so-ever to parents that can actually do something positive about this.

Post update #2:

I would like to take a moment and apologize for my own assumptions about the emotions or reasons behind the photographs, or selfies, that Mrs. Hall found objectionable. Because I didn't see the pictures. None of us did. We don't know how “slutty” or “inappropriate” they actually were. We can't draw our own conclusions on factual evidence. We just have her (harsh) words for it.

Please let me explain my thought-process and HOW I drew my own conclusions, and they were only meant to be used as examples while addressing Mrs. Hall:

1. One thing Pedro and I have noticed with our own selfie-taker (only one of the girls is an obsessed selfie-taker) is that there is a DIRECT COALITION between stress in her life -- be it cruel words from other girls, to a heartbreak from a boy, to not enough attention at home, especially from her dad, because he's working a lot – and the numbers of selfies she posts in various media outlets. When we see selfies start going up in numbers? We start asking questions, and giving hugs, and finding out what's bothering her. Because something is typically bothering her and this is her way of expressing it. And sometimes she just needs to hear that she is cute (she's gorgeous, actually), and lovable, and important, and missed, and needed. So this is OUR EXPERIENCE within our own family. Not every girl is our daughters, and our daughters are not every girl. I am fully aware of that. I apologize if that offended you.
2. As people have been pointing out, this is a time in ALL teenager's lives that they're trying on their-new-to-them sexuality. They are testing the waters. They're curious as to what others find attractive, or sexy, or alluring. Again, this is totally normal. Again, that could be what Mrs. Hall found objectionable. Again, none of us know.
   I don't want to assume that the girls in her sons' internet-world were trying on their sexuality or expressing pain. I wanted to point out that they aren't sluts no-matter-their-motive. I wanted to point out that she did a huge disservice to her boys by dismissing these girls out-of-hand to her boys, and demanding her boys do the same, without even stopping to think, or ponder “why” the photos were being posted. Because maybe one of those girls WAS hurting. And maybe one WAS just trying to be cute. And even more likely, one took a selfie in the privacy of her room, in her pajamas, with no thoughts of sex or appropriateness AT ALL, never thinking some judgy-woman would be looking at it with a critical-stink-eye and deeming her a ho-bag unworthy of her half-dressed sons. Which is kind of sad, really, because I'm guessing here, that the Hall Boys' dance cards (i.e. smart-phone-text-message-app in modern day speak) are going to be pretty empty of pretty, smart, cute girls that *gasp!* wear pajamas to bed! We, personally, would not allow our daughters any where NEAR that woman – which automatically places her sons on the “do not date” list. Because we believe in second chances. And we believe in forgiving mistakes. And we believe in teaching compassion and forgiveness in our children. And we believe that girls are just as important as boys, and that their worth is dependent on themselves, not what boys, or what boys' mothers think of them.

So please accept my apologies. I was doing my own shaming, because I felt someone really needed to kick her off her throne of self-righteousness built on the backs of what she clearly deems the unworthiness of teenage girls. And thank you so much for taking time out of your busy days to read what I had to say.