What is a "Twat Waffle"?

I guess I got some 'splainin to do . . . since a lot of people have been directed over here to my little corner of teh interwebz. The question has been posed quite a bit over the last 24 hours: "what exactly is a "twat waffle?".

Well, basically, a "Twat Waffle" is an extremely intelligent, opinionated, sassy, sarcastic, humorous, FRIEND. Thankfully I have a lot of these Twat Waffles in my life. I'm like totally blessed with an abundance of Twat Waffles. Or "Butt Waffles" when I'm on a Christian or Censor y-type website.

A couple of my Butt Waffles have actually asked me to will them the official & exclusive use of the term "Butt Waffle" when I die. See how epic that term is? They want it when I die.

I tend to take ridiculous words and run them together so they sort of look like an insult but are really just terms of endearment for really cool people. Because that's how I roll.

My own forever-nickname is "Bitch Wax". I'm not even sure how it came about, but I know it sourced out of my bestie Kristina, in the fog of a Black-Martini-induced giggle fest. Pre-kids. I think it was Hollywood. Could have been Vegas. Might have been Reno. Probably Reno. Bitch Wax just totally sounds "Reno" doesn't it?

The Bitch Waxes in Reno. In a bathroom mirror selfie. With an actual camera and not a phone. This photo should be in the Smithsonian or something.

So yeah, I call people names that do not make any sense because I love them. It's like a hug. A big ole-squeezy-hug-of-nonsense. Because we're on the internet most of the time now, and I can't hug you in real life: I'll hug you with silly names. If I call you a ridiculous name, it means I LIKE you. A LOT. I care enough to string random words together just for you. . .

Some of my other well used monikers for people I love are:

Diaper Sniffer (reserved for the parents of very young children)

Granny Slammer (I typically call my guy friends with wives younger than them)

Nipple Nugget (anyone being ridiculous)

Throat Holster (that one is rare because it does actually toe-the-line of a real insult)

I could go on, but you get the point . . .

So thanks for stopping by. I'm guessing you are here because you care enough to be an honorary Twat Waffle. Hopefully you'll stick around and be a full-time Twat Waffle! I love my Twat Waffles!

Sincerely, with much love and yours forever,

Bitch Wax

AND IN THE INTEREST OF FULL DISCLOSURE -- because I try my damnedest to be honest and not be a plagiarizing panty-pincher. . . I didn't even come up with all these phrases on my own  . . . I have a Profanity Generator:

(Butt Waffle was mine prior to obtaining the Generator, but I did get Twat Waffle from the book. Bitch Wax is totally ours, though, as is many other ridiculous names I come up with on the spur-of-the-moment. This is like a pocket thesaurus for my own ridiculous personality.)

So if you like a snappy and quirky comeback? Buy this book. It's awesome.