Tryptophobia: how NPR TROLLED me, and everyone like me. (If you have a fear of clowns . . . be warned)

So yesterday I was sitting at my desk, scrolling through my facebook feed when this happened. . .

"HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD!! (which I mean totally respectfully because I am Catholic and I have some serious mad love for the Blessed Virgin) OH MY GAWWWWD!" <proceed to weeping, gasping, making sounds like Tim Roth dying in Reservoir Dogs, or if you're unfamiliar, trying to get the last bit of dish soap out of a bottle of Dawn, forcing my eyes downward and tripping over my own chair trying to get away from my computer monitor>

Why would I all-of-a-sudden freak-out, scream, cry and lose any similarity to composure?

Because some genius at NPR is a complete and total beef flap.

Like millions of people, I have NPR in my feeds.

Like thousands of people, I suffer from Tryptophobia. Which, if you're unfamiliar with the term means: I have a fear of holes. Not holes-in-the-ground (unless they're numerous and closely spaced). But holes, grouped together, and if those holes contain smaller things inside them? It's even worse for me. From what I understand there's varying degrees of Tryptophobia, where some people just don't like to see groups of holes together, and will divert their eyes or feel uncomfortable. From the very brief glance I got of text -- it's up to 15% of people who experience discomfort at these images.

Not I . . . oh not I. I have such an intense visceral reaction to "holes" that I will freak out. I'll cry. Just start crying. Loudly. Wailing would be more accurate. I grab my head and close my eyes and just put Joan Crawford to shame with the d-r-a-m-a. True story.

So what happened with NPR? They posted a story about tryptophobia and I kid you not, posted a picture of a lotus pod (read: plant pod full of holes) to demonstrate what sort of things us tryptophobes can't handle looking at.

REALLY NPR?

REALLY?????

Who the hell thought this was a good idea? If you're going to post a story -- that hey, sounded good until I saw the graphic -- because it totally PERTAINS TO ME AND OTHERS LIKE ME? Could you NOT post the very thing we really freak out about? Do you post pictures of spiders when writing about Arachnaphobes? Who in the hell decides on images to be used in articles when dealing with phobias? Pennywise the Clown?

Hahahaha Got YA! How you like dem holes, kids? Love forevers and for realsy, NPR.

(My sincerest apologies if anyone that has a clown-phobia ended up here. I mean sincerely. I'm not a dick like that.)

So I sorta made it back to the desk -- only half my butt on the chair in case I needed to book and run again -- while diverting my eyes. I was trying to get a comment in to them about what a dick-move that was. So it probably looked like "ohmy gawd why would you dothat? tThis made me cry, and I cant even look up. WHY DID YOU DO THIS? Take that graphic down!".  Then I somehow shared it and tagged my friend who has the opposite of tryptophobia -- she has tryptophillia, an intense like of holes closely spaced. I did it with a book held in front of my monitor anywhere near the image. I shared it partly because she gets a weird delight out of holes being spaced together, and partly because I knew she would find it hilarious that NPR trolled me so hard. And she did. Yeah. Hardy - har - har. But she also felt bad, because she cares a lot about me, and doesn't ever send me pictures of holes.

I was hoping that by today the image would be gone, or being a news organization that exists due to philanthropy, they would kindly "hide" the image. Like a philanthropist that cares about humanity would do. They could easily offer people who don't have Tryptophobia a button to click -- to see what freaks us out -- like they do on other news outlets that hide disturbing images. Which, when I think about it, must seem like a really dumb thing to freak out about.

But I do. Oh I do.  

It's seriously no joke, and can be dangerous if I happen to be driving and come up behind a semi hauling large pipes. All stacked up and holey-like. It's not funny really, because I start that annoying crying and wailing business which isn't safe whilst driving.

And it's weird what will set us Tryptophobes off  -- stuff people who don't have it would never think of. I mean, you can understand people that have Arachnaphobia seeing a spider and screaming and running, right? Or people with a fear of clowns staying the hell away from circuses. But wait until you have a Tryptophobe make Easy Mac in your microwave. When they open the lid and see tons of tiny holey noodles standing on-end like little soldiers-of-hole-y-terror -- and all of a sudden they're screaming and crying and earning their Oscar for Best Actress in the Category of Totally Freakish Phobias -- it'll totally catch a normal person off-guard. 

That's right. I have lost my shit over single-serving microwave mac & cheese snacks for my kids.  

Clowns? THIS is the face of terror, folks. This right here. 

So anyway, I'm bummed about NPR. Because what I gathered from the title of the story was that it might be due to some sort of venomous bite people had in their past. I really want to know. When I went back today to check, nervously, shakily, I saw that the image was even bigger (thank you so much God in Heaven above that it slowly loaded from the top so I didn't have to see the actual image), so I had to close my eyes and beg my 12-year-old-son to close the page. . .

Just making sure you can see the details, all the holey and filled details of those tubular terrors, our Tryptophobes! You're welcome! Love forevers and for realsies, your friends at NPR!

I know the first time I experienced Tryptophobia. I was five years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember my reaction (including the blood curdling scream that made my dad swerve off the freeway in a spray of rocks and brake dust -- and probably would have given him a heart attack if he wasn't a healthy, young man). I remember it all VERY WELL. Because it was like I felt the "snap" in my brain when that dam broke lose. When I was seriously forever changed by looking at a cluster of holes. However, IF it was caused by perhaps a spider bite or something equally ridiculous, I might feel better about myself and this dumb phobia.

Because the day I admit that a cooked canister of Easy Mac can utterly upset my life, like I am doing right now -- well it's embarrassing -- and I would sure feel better if I knew why. I'm sure it can't be "fixed", but just knowing that it might be biological instead of psychological, well I think it might make me feel a little better about it.
 


And if you guys could do me a solid and tell me a basic synopsis of what the article actually says, what the toxin actually is that causes it, or even a c&p of the article sans-images -- I would be eternally grateful.

So grateful I'll try not to post a picture of Pennywise ever again!!! 

OH and NPR? I don't forgive you. That was a very uncool thing to do to your devoted fans and listeners.  Especially when your story title suggests that up to 15% of humans have a problem with Tryptophobia. That was very irresponsible of you. Please, take the images down. It's not funny, it's really horrible.